The idea of starting a book club came to Valeen Heinle late one night in July. She was having a particularly bad argument with her Trump-supporting dad over Israel’s war in Gaza and its devastating impacts on children.
"I'm begging you to just try and learn something that isn't from Facebook, Fox, or Newsmax," Valeen, a 38-year-old registered Democrat who works as a pet sitter in Denver, wrote to her dad via Instagram DM after they exchanged a series of posts about Gaza. “Read a book on the history there. I have tons I can suggest but I know you would never because you’d rather sit in your confirmation bias, and that makes me so sad.”
“I spend too much time worrying about my children. What the future will bring for them,” he replied. “So when my kids are safe and [taken] care of then maybe I could give a shit about other kids.”
Gaza isn’t the only issue that has left Americans—and Valeen and her dad—divided. They’ve argued about the Covid-19 vaccine, climate change, gun laws, the results of the 2020 election, the January 6 riot at the Capitol, and more. “Ever since 2016, he seems to be pulled more and more to the far right, and he’s become clouded by hatred and anger—things that just aren’t him,” says Valeen. “It’s gotten harder and harder, and it’s not just difficult to debate with him, but it’s painful, and some of the things he says really just takes me aback.”
But Valeen said his response to their discussion on Gaza was a breaking point. It upset her so much that when her partner returned home that evening, he found her crying on their Ikea sofa in the living room. They had a long talk, and in an attempt at distraction, they gathered animal crackers and Chips Ahoy cookies and fired up an anime episode on her laptop.
When the anime episode ended at around 3 am, Valeen sent her dad, who now lives in central Florida, a message. “Alright. I’ll make you a deal: you read three books of my choosing—all the way through—and prove you actually read and understood them,” she wrote. “And I'll go back to church for a month after.”
Reddit is full of stories from people who, like Valeen, say the current political environment has challenged their relationships with their Trump-supporting parents. In some cases, people have compared their families’ involvement in the MAGA movement and blind loyalty to Trump to being part of a cult—a comparison that’s also been made by cult experts.
But some think they can potentially salvage their relationships with their loved ones and even “deprogram” their MAGA parents—by starting de facto “book clubs.”
One Reddit user posted on a popular subreddit r/suggestmeabook, asking for suggestions of “good reading materials for someone who may need some help being nudged back towards reality and morality”—their dad. They asked specifically for recommendations of fantasy books, a genre that their dad had enjoyed in the past. “I’ve always felt fantasy books have ‘progressive’ values, and I’m hoping to find some that don’t beat you over the head with that message!” they wrote. In another subreddit, someone else asked for book recommendations that they could send to their father “in pursuit of deprogramming him from the cult of Trump.”