I want to be clear from the outset. I’ve never been a car enthusiast. My driving history includes a hand-me-down Volvo with a hole in the floorboards and a series of aggressively practical vehicles, including a VW Golf and a Mazda SUV in which I hauled my family around for 12 years. Then I leased a BMW i4 electric car.
What drew me to the i4? Unlike other electric vehicles, BMWs don’t look like something out of the Jetsons; I like that they’re understated cars that happen to be electric. I liked that they’re far less common than other EVs in Northern California. Plus, the i4 comes in something like a dozen colors, including “Brooklyn Gray,” which – I know I sound ridiculous – delighted me in ways that Tesla’s handful of options never could. I’d read online that early adopters were having software issues, but with visions of my sleek new BMW dancing in my head, I conveniently filed that information away. Those first few drives felt exhilarating, too. The car was beautiful, the ride was smooth, and I felt like we were going places.
Nearly two years later, I’m doing something I never thought I’d do: eagerly awaiting the end of a lease on a luxury car because its software is such a disaster that it makes my rusted-out Volvo look like a paragon of reliability.
A love story gone awry
Let me count the ways this relationship has gone wrong, starting with the most basic function: getting into my own car. On multiple occasions, I’ve stood in parking lots, unable to unlock its doors with my phone despite the BMW Digital Key being specifically designed for this purpose. This sounds trivial until you’re juggling melting groceries while looking like you’re trying to steal your own car.
Digital key issues have become so widespread that BMW owners have at times shared elaborate multi-step workarounds that read like instructions for disarming a bomb: “1. Open the BMW app on your phone and use it to unlock the door. 2. Sign in with your BMW ID in iDrive. 3. Place your iPhone in the vehicle’s charging tray. 4. Wait for the digital key to reappear in the Wallet app. 5. Double-click the side button, authenticate with Face ID, and—finally—start the car.”
The user profile system is another exercise in futility. I’ve been unable to create guest profiles without being demoted to the bottom of the user hierarchy. What this means in practice is that if anyone else drives my car – even once – the vehicle will grab their phone and playlist the moment they’re within Bluetooth range. BMW has over-engineered their profile system to the point where it requires explicit linking steps that should really happen automatically.
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The car’s CarPlay integration ranges from poor to actively dangerous. Software updates routinely break CarPlay functionality, requiring complete reboots of its iDrive infotainment system. The reverse camera issue is particularly maddening; put the car in reverse while using CarPlay navigation, and when you shift back to drive, you’re dumped onto the home screen instead of returning to your directions.
The backup camera itself is practically useless in low light conditions, and the screen frequently becomes scorching hot to the touch.
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