The most interesting people I know aren't trying to be interesting.
Thank God.
They're saying what they actually think and wearing what they actually like, pursuing hobbies that genuinely fascinate them, regardless of whether those hobbies are cool. The most mind-numbingly boring people I know are working overtime to seem interesting: curating their book recommendations, workshopping their opinions to be provocative but not too provocative.
The effort is palpable. And the effort is exactly what makes them forgettable.
I've come to believe that boring = personality edited down to nothing. Somewhere along the way, too many of us learned to sand off our weird edges, to preemptively remove anything that might make someone uncomfortable or make us seem difficult to be around.
And the result = boredom.
You've been editing yourself
Erving Goffman wrote in 1959 about how we all perform versions of ourselves depending on context. What's less normal is when the performance becomes the only thing left. When you've been editing yourself for so long that you've forgotten what the original draft looked like.
This happens gradually. In middle school, you learn that certain enthusiasms are embarrassing. In high school, you learn which opinions are acceptable in your social group. In college, you refine your persona further. By the time you're an adult, you've become so skilled at reading rooms and ajusting accordingly that you don't even notice you're doing it. You've automated your own inauthenticity.
This process feels like maturity, or it feels the way we think maturity ought to feel. It feels like growing up and becoming an adult or a professional. And in some sense, I suppose it is. But there's a difference between reading a room and erasing yourself to fit into it. Reading a room is social intelligence. Erasing yourself to fit into it is something else.
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