GoKawiilIf you’re a Gen Xer like me, Andrew McCarthy defined a pretty significant chunk of your teenage movie-going experience — Pretty in Pink, Mannequin, Weekend at Bernie’s, and Less Than Zero were the freakin’ jam. But McCarthy has dramatically expanded his resume since starring in those iconic ’80s flicks, becoming a New York Times bestselling author, travel writer for major publications, and TV director. He joined me on How Success Happens to discuss his latest book, Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America, and shared insights on fear, vulnerability, and why showing up matters more than you think. (Oh, and also what he really thinks of fans who run up to him to reenact scenes from Bernie’s.)
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We’ve broken down Andrew’s insights to help your personal success take off in three, two, one!
Three Key Insights
1. Fear Is the Silent Success Killer
While walking the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage route in his early thirties, Andrew had a profound revelation in a wheat field. “I just found myself on my knees sobbing, and I realized in that moment how much fear had dominated my life,” he told me. “I wasn’t aware of fear’s presence in my life until that moment of its first absence.” That “white light moment” of clarity launched his successful second career as a travel writer — because he finally felt what that 15-year-old kid felt when he first walked on stage, a pure, authentic calling to do something he loved.
Takeaway: Take inventory of decisions you’re making right now and ask yourself honestly: Am I moving toward something I want, or am I running away from something I fear?
2. Show Up — Physically and Emotionally
After his son asked him point-blank, “You don’t really have any friends, do you, Dad?”, Andrew drove 10,000 miles across America to reconnect with old friends he hadn’t seen in decades. The journey revealed something crucial: “As I drove and reconnected with one friend, and then the next, I sensed this sort of emotional safety net underneath me developing that I hadn’t realized I’d been living without.” It reminded him of an old cliche: 90% of success in life is physically showing up. “Go to the wedding. You don’t wanna go to the wedding. Nobody wants to go to the wedding. Go to the wedding. Just show up,” he says. “What it said to my friends was like, ‘Wow, you really value this.’”
Takeaway: Identify one relationship you’ve been neglecting and make a concrete plan to show up — whether that’s a phone call, a visit, or simply saying “you matter to me.”
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