This Is the Counterintuitive Leadership Habit That Earns You Maximum Attention, Trust and Influence

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Key Takeaways Let me introduce the value formula. It’s a simple, yet effective formula (especially in communication): Value = Relevance + Contrast.

Start meetings or conversations with insightful questions, listen twice as much as you speak and avoid generic buzzwords.

One of the most counterintuitive lessons senior leaders must internalize is this: Stop talking about yourself. Not just in interviews — in every high‑stakes communication. The instinct to broadcast one’s resume, accomplishments or perspective first is so universal that it feels natural. But in strategic leadership, being natural is often being ineffective.

The most successful leaders I’ve consulted and worked with across the healthcare, real estate, tech sectors and 20+ industries all share a common trait: They lead by creating relevance first. They then let others ask about them.

Know what the other person values

To earn attention, build trust and win influence in high-stakes conversations, you have to know what the other party values. Let me introduce the value formula. It’s a simple, yet effective formula (especially in communication): Value = Relevance + Contrast.

Let me explain. When I mention relevance, I’m talking about how relevant it is to the other party. In the context of conversations, the other party would be thinking, “How much of what he’s saying matters to me?”

Now, there’s the contrast side of the formula. What I mean by contrast is the contrast (or the difference) in value between what I expected and what I actually got. In the context of a conversation, it could mean that I go into a conversation expecting it to be boring, but turns out that the other person has tons of interesting stories, which keeps me super engaged. That’s contrast.

These factors of the formula are great, but when strategically combined together, they become a superpower in communication… that’s influence. However, you can never reach this pinnacle of influence if you’re too busy talking about yourself, rather than becoming relevant to the other person.

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