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If you’ve been on TikTok lately, you might have come across a viral meme showing yet another dark side of AI: its impact on cishet relationship dynamics.
Variations on the format typically depict a woman working hard at a laptop, with a caption explaining that she’s burning out so “her man” can run an AI startup that “loses $30K a month.” It feels like there’s a serious side to the jokes, since they come in the dark shadow of many grim stories about the tech colliding with established relationships, from breaking up marriages to facilitating infidelity.
Indeed, Wired just ran a fascinating feature about how AI is disrupting the dynamics of families — and the women getting ground down by the whole situation, which the story’s author Alessandra Ram memorably terms the “sad wives” of AI.
Yana van der Meulen Rodgers, chair of labor studies and employment relations at Rutgers University, told Wired that it comes down to what economists call the “ideal worker”: career obsessives who believe that pausing — even for just five minutes — will result in a lack of productivity. The phenomenon isn’t exclusive to the AI era. Take the Gold Rush, for example, when American men left their families to travel west, work, and profit quickly.
“Someone who works many hours, giving all of themselves to this new force,” Rodgers told Wired. “That means less time at home for the partner, less time for care work.”
For women, this can result in feelings of being unheard, and many of these sad wives are turning to therapists for support. Consulting a series of family counselors, Wired found evidence that it’s a very real phenomenon that’s only getting worse. In addition to abandonment, these women are also forced to ride the emotional roller coaster of the nascent and chaotic industry.
“With job loss comes some depression,” Rodgers told Wired. “Within the household, if one person is going through adverse mental health effects around job loss or uncertainty, the other naturally becomes the support person.”
One thing’s for sure: the disgust — the death knell of so many relationships — is real.
“If i had to listen to another minute of my husband talking about Claude Code, I might have actually died,” Ram wrote. “There are two babies in this household now: the small human one and the large language model. Both demand constant attention. Both keep us up at 2 am.”
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