Since July, the state of Oklahoma has been consumed by important investigative questions, including:
Why did naked women appear on a state-owned TV set during an official Board of Education meeting? Was someone in the room inadvertently streaming pornography from a personal device to the TV? Will anyone be prosecuted for what happened?
Were the board members who complained about the video directed by the governor to "lie about me," as the state's pugnacious, hard-right Superintendent of Education asked?
Why was a "chiropractic table" involved in the scene? And why did the video feature, as one board member noted, a retro vibe and "a guy with a white hat, kind of a Gilligan-type hat"?
We now have answers to all of those questions.
After a lengthy investigation by the Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office and the State Bureau of Investigation, and then a lengthy consideration of their reports, the Oklahoma County District Attorney this week announced that "there is insufficient evidence to file criminal charges."
But the investigators confirmed that the complaint was true; a TV in the office did in fact show the images in question, including the "chiropractic table." The naked women did not come from anyone's secret stash of pornography, however; they came from Jackie Chan's 1985 film The Protector.
After this was announced, a local Oklahoma news channel confirmed it by... sitting down and watching the movie. I have helpfully annotated their description with exclamation points to indicate the level of "gonzo" reached by each new entry in the list.