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Key Takeaways At times, the more you say, the less you are heard. Strategic restraint ensures the “why” of your message isn’t lost in the “how” of its delivery and allows others to build their own credibility.
Before every meeting, identify the one point you want to make, and wait for the right moment to make it. If you try to speak on every single topic, you dilute your impact and risk becoming white noise.
Recognizing the gap between intention and impact can unlock a more sustainable, high-trust form of leadership.
If you were to look back at my report cards from grade school, the commentary was remarkably consistent: bright, innovative, straight As — and talks way too much. I have always been a naturally gregarious person and, as a marketer, I am a storyteller by trade and by DNA. For a long time, I operated under the assumption that to be valuable, I had to be visible. I believed that if I wasn’t the most vocal person in the room, my peers and leaders wouldn’t know I was engaged or strategic.
As I rose into the executive ranks, however, I had to confront a humbling reality: At times, the more you say, the less you are heard. Learning the discipline of strategic restraint was a fundamental shift in how I viewed influence. I realized that being the loudest voice often turned my contribution into white noise. So in order to become a true strategic architect, I had to learn how to transmute my natural energy into a more intentional, calculated form of presence.
The 360-degree review
The turning point in my career didn’t come from a specific win, but from being gifted an executive coach. Part of that process involved a 360-degree review where peers, superiors and direct reports provide anonymous feedback on your leadership style. On paper, I was perceived as competent and creative. But the review also contained a jarring observation: I was described as someone who could “suck the air out of the room.”
It was a staggering realization because, where I thought I was being genuinely helpful, others saw me as overbearing. I had to step back and honestly confront the gap between my intention and my impact. It took a deep level of reflection to come to terms with the fact that much of my talkativeness was actually masking an insecurity — the fear that if I didn’t say it, they wouldn’t know I was thinking it. By trying so hard to prove my engagement, I was actually preventing others from engaging with me.
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