GoKawiilA large portion of U.S. adults are making ends meet with help from their parents. Forty-two percent of Americans say they rely on the previous generation for financial support, according to Northwestern Mutual's 2026 Planning & Progress Study. That figure includes 72% of Gen Zers, more than half of millennials and one-third of Generation X. Whether Mom and Dad are funding a cell phone plan or a home down payment, this kind of intergenerational support can inspire powerful feelings, says Megan McCoy, a financial therapist and professor at Kansas State University. "Language around supporting adult children tends to always have a bad guy, like, 'the kid's not grown up,' or 'the parents are too easy,'" she says. "But I wish people saw it more as a dance between people, and that neither of them is the reason this is going on. It's a pattern that's developed over time." When done correctly, financial assistance from parents can act as "scaffolding" for an adult child, something they can use to build a successful life for themselves, McCoy says. Savvy financial assistance requires constant communication, McCoy and other experts say. Without it, you run the risk of hurt feelings, especially if one or both parties seek independence ā or one side is benefitting at the expense of the other.
Maximize the impact of financial assistance
If you want to eventually transfer wealth to your children, doing it sooner rather than later can help ensure that your money has the maximum financial impact, says McCoy. "The whole cycle of waiting for an inheritance to give is counterproductive," she says. "Oftentimes, that inheritance comes when the child is at the most financially stable part of their lives, instead of giving them the gifts when they need the support the most." McCoy recommends using monetary support in ways that either alleviate the child's financial stress or help them move closer to their financial goals. The former might look like helping a child pay off student debt, keeping them on your health insurance or stepping in to cover emergency expenses. The latter could be contributing to a home purchase or paying a child's rent while they work through graduate school. "You're looking for something that is going to help them get to another level of development or access," McCoy says.
Manage the emotions tied to financial gifts
Financial gifts can be emotionally charged. Parents might feel resentful about helping their child. Children might feel entitled to endless support or, on the flipside, feel ashamed about accepting help. To avoid these situations, it's important for all parties to understand the thinking behind the support, McCoy says. For parents, it's important to interrogate the reason behind the financial gift, McCoy says. "Make sure you're not gifting because you feel guilty you weren't there for them more or because you want to have power and control over their decision making," she says. "And don't gift because you don't think they can do it on their own." For children, it's important to understand that this assistance is meant to temporarily help them through an important period. It isn't an indefinite extension of their reliance on their parents, says Nikki Macdonald, a certified financial planner with Northwestern Mutual. With some of her adult children clients, the thinking is, "it's always been like that, so why would I change it if I'm still getting money from my parents for certain things?" Macdonald says. "Some come to think of it as a necessity."
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