GoKawiilSatirical memo imagines John Ternus's first day as Apple CEO
The piece is a fictional 'day one' briefing addressed to Apple's John Ternus, satirizing the company's ongoing struggles across hardware, services and AI. It jokes about delayed Siri upgrades, price hikes on new iPhones, rebranding an AirPods camera as a 'sensor,' low morale on the Vision Pro team, and new EU App Store commission rules taking effect in a month.